The Hook-Up Culture Creates Anxiety for Many People
I’ve seen many clients who have chosen, for one reason or another, to have have sex with no strings attached. Most of the people who I’ve seen choose a bed buddy after a break up and they don’t feel like they want to open themselves up to another person if their heart is going to be crushed. Yet, they are conflicted. They want sex and don’t want the emotional connection or that someone else may depend on them for support. But deep down, many people want to be in long term romantic relationships.
Most of the time, I think clients become anxious about these “only sex” and “stress free” situations. It causes stress in many ways.
One, it’s not a stable situation. Many people have the disappointing situation of being “ghosted” or just not being contacted or responded to when they text or call the person they’ve been having sex with. Many of my clients experience this as something they did. They feel that they must have done something to push the other person away but there’s no closure or conversation about if the situation wasn’t working out. But it could simply be that the person moved on to someone else or got bored or didn’t want to be in the situation. The other person might not have known how to address not wanting to be involved anymore so they left.
Two, my clients usually don’t know where they are in the relationship. Do they call? Do they not? Can this be a “dinner and sex” sort of situation or is this an “only the bedroom” situation? This can cause anxiety because the person doesn’t know what’s right or what they can do. This confusion can cause problems.
Third, there’s not supposed to be strings so what happens when a person sees the other with someone else in public? Some people might feel jealous or upset but then feel that they aren’t allowed to feel that way because they weren’t supposed to be serious anyway.
While some people can benefit from situations where sex is the only thing that happens between them and another consenting person, for others, it causes stress. The stress and anxiety comes from the confusion and the conflict within the person. It might be that deep down, people want to have long term stable relationships that help them even in those times where it might be difficult to get close to someone. I think most of all, people have to be honest with themselves and know themselves well enough to express what they want. It can be difficult, though, if the other person who is involved doesn’t know themselves, they can still cause problems. Hook ups can benefit some people and cause anxiety for another– it’s all about how well the person knows themselves.
If you or someone you know is suffering from anxiety or having difficulty finding a stable relationships, please feel free to call or email me at 203-300-7193 and VanessaLoveLPC@gmail.com.