10 Ways to Tell that Someone is Not Ready for Therapy

Some people make appointments with a therapist before the person is ready for counseling. While a percentage of people will stick with the therapy, even if it’s going slow and they have their inner barriers to overcome; other people will show that they are not ready before calling the first listed provider. Plenty of people feel resistant to therapy for various reasons and while they try, they just don’t want to be in therapy. Here are some behaviors that tell me that a person is not ready.

1.The person makes an appointment far in advance.

When a person says they can only come two weeks from next Tuesday for their first appointment, they’re likely to forget the appointment. Of course, I have plenty of clients who make once a month sessions but that’s after they’ve seen me weekly for a couple of months and feel that they just want to check in.

2. The person doesn’t show up for their first appointment.

I can understand if a car breaks down or it snows and the person just can’t make it in. It happens sometimes. But when a person doesn’t show up for your first appointment, I get apprehensive about their other appointments. Some people do perfectly fine and continue on while others seem to have difficulty getting themselves to the sessions.

3.The person doesn’t call to cancel the appointment.

I know unexpected events can happen– but call or email. It’s unfair to me and the rest of my clients for me to sit in my office expecting that the person will be there and they have no plans of showing up.

4. The person can’t remember who I am.

As much as I try to understand that maybe the person didn’t catch my name when I called, call my voicemail or keep my number so person can look it up, I’ve had more than one client who called to cancel and did not know who I was so they had to leave a message somewhere. And this is doesn’t bode well when it’s their first appointment. It’s worse when they’ve been seeing me for some time. I’ve even called clients who I haven’t seen in a couple of weeks and when they ask, “Who?” I know that they’re never coming back for anything.

5. The person hangs up on me.

In the past, I’ve called clients to remind them of appointments or called when they were a few minutes late to an appointment. I’ve noticed that this mostly happens when someone had no intention of showing up for their first appointment. I occasionally text or email to see where people are and if I don’t receive anything back, I go about my day.

6. In a month, you cancel at least 2-3 appointments.

If a person is meant to see me once a week and then cancels or doesn’t show a majority of the time, I don’t keep that slot open for them. I usually warn them of this before it happens. It’s a frustrating part of being in private practice.

7. The person makes an appointment for couples counseling without consulting the other person.

If a person intends on coming in with their significant others, it’s best to consult with them about their schedule. For me, this is a sign that either one of the people is just not interested in fixing the relationship and it was most likely going to break up anyway.

8. No matter what the cost is, they don’t want to pay.

Some people budget for therapy. I used to work with someone that would advise people to lower their phone bill or buy less coffee or just generally look over their budget to see if they can cut some things out to afford therapy. Some people don’t want to come to therapy and no matter if it was $5, they wouldn’t attend sessions.

9.They want a weekend session.

I’ve worked in the field long enough to know that most people, even couples, can make time during the day to come in for a session. One couple would even have both members drive an hour to meet in the middle– at my office– to come for a session. Most people can swing something during the week. When someone has this and the issue with paying for sessions, I can almost guarantee that they will drop out in the first three session. There are very few therapists who work on the weekend and rarely a provider who accept insurance. It might be that therapists need the time away from the office or they have lives they want to live outside of the office.

10. They only want someone in network.

I don’t want to criticize people who don’t know they can go outside of their network or who have an HMO plan, which does not allow the person to see non-participating providers. But here’s the thing, with most plans, the person can choose a provider for themselves, including a therapist. Many panels in CT such as Cigna, Aetna, and United are closed to new providers. I’m on one of these insurances and I can tell you, if I didn’t find someone who I could go to who I trusted, I would go out of network. I’ve looked at the website to see who accepts the insurance and even when networking, some of these providers are terrible at calling people back. There are also significantly less providers who are available, compared to those who accept other insurances or don’t accept insurances at all. The therapeutic relationship works the best with someone the person likes. If the person just chooses someone at random because that provider is on their insurance, they are doing themselves a disservice. And to only insist on an in-network provider when they know they can see someone else is a barrier to therapy.